We're getting old now, but I don’t feel it
I say you're beautiful and I still mean it
And I don't wanna know what old age feels like
So promise me you won’t give up on this life
And we'll be busy tryin' while the rest of them are dyin'
7 YEARS AGO
The cab pulled up in front of his childhood home as SGT Aaron Blumenthol climbed out and paid the driver as the vehicle drove off after he pulled his duffle bag from the trunk and slammed the lid. He stood on the sidewalk for several minutes as he let the handle of the bag slip from his grip and allowed it to fall to the walkway as he took in the scene.
It had been four years since he was here. To be honest, it all looked exactly as he left it those many years ago. He started doing a little looking back when suddenly the door opened up and he saw her step onto the porch.
“Aaron? Is that you?”
He could only smile as he nods, “Yes, mom. It’s me.”
“Oh my goodness, well what are you standing on the sidewalk for? Get in here? Are you hungry? We’ve just had lunch.”
Aaron reached down to grab his bag and he walked up the steps where he was enveloped in a motherly embrace. “I’m good, mom. I ate while I waited for a cab.”
“You should have called us. We would have come to pick you up.”
Aaron chuckled, “And miss surprising you?”
His mother finally released the hug and took a step back, “You seemed to have done well for yourself. We got all of your cards and letters. What are we doing? Let’s go inside so we can have surprise your father.”
She grabbed him by the hand and lead him inside.
In the days that followed, Aaron settled back into civilian life and found work, manual labor stuff. Something to help contribute to the household without dipping into his savings. One of the reasons he joined the Army was to save enough money for the operation he felt he needed. It was a conversation that needed to be had with his parents, but he wasn’t quite ready to go there with them. His father seemed to have forgiven him for dropping off the football team in high school and seemed to be very proud of his military service and he didn’t want to rock the boat.
Though he knew the boat would have to be rocked at some point.
In fact, it was sooner than he anticipated. The doc he was seeing about his operation called saying they had a cancellation and did he want to get started early? When asked how early, the response was next month.
Shit.
He confirmed the appointment and then after work, headed home to have the conversation.
Dinner went cold as the conversation got heated, especially between Aaron and his father. His father had points. The end of his bloodline. The embarrassment of a son who wanted to be a daughter. Aaron yelled back that he had to be who he was. Who he had always been. His mother remained eerily quiet as the fighting continued until Aaron’s father grabbed at his arm and fell to the floor.
They rushed him to the hospital and forty eight hours later, his father passed away from complications of a heart attack. It would be something that would be utmost in Aaron’s mind for many years to come.
Promise me we'll never grow up
I don't wanna let go
I wanna stay young
And even when the wrinkles show up
We'll be laughing, and
We can play forever, don't make me face the truth
A YEAR LATER
Aaron would cancel that appointment and it would be another year before it would actually happen. The death of his father continued to haunt him and he completely blamed himself for everything. Even though she never said it to him, he also felt his mother blamed him as well. It would take a long hard heart to heart between them for things to start getting better. Better enough that he would eventually go through his surgery. It would take a year after that before Erin would begin to get back into shape. It was during her healing that she found professional wrestling. She could do this.
It was also about this time she met Tim.
Tim was a very persistent guy. She found work at a gym which allowed her access to equipment to workout, plus get paid as a personal trainer. Tim was a customer and immediately took a shine to her from the first day on the job. Erin wasn’t too sure about starting any sort of relationship, but each day she would work, Tim would show with a coffee, or lunch or flowers.
She was flattered, of course, but it was a little awkward. Her boss asked her if she wanted him to put a stop to it, but she told him no. It was harmless. Of course, it led to him finally asking her out and she said yes, though it was against her better judgement. What could a date hurt?
Well, one date became two dates and then four months later they were discussing moving in together. Erin was torn about moving out of her mother’s home, leaving her alone. She wasn’t sure how her mother would do on her own, but it would be a conversation they would have to have.
When she told Tim she would have to tell her mother, Tim offered to come with her. It would give them a chance to meet.
It had been four months and she hadn’t brought Tim to meet her mother. She figured it was time. So she arranged with her mother a dinner night and took Tim home one night. They quietly explained over dinner that they were considering moving in together.
Surprisingly enough, her mother seemed just fine with it. Genuinely happy for Erin. But then Tim stood up and started fishing in his pocket. “In fact, I’d like to add something here if I could,” as he pulled out a small box and then proposed.
It was all so quick for Erin who hadn’t even really had ‘the talk’ with him yet and she stood up and excused herself, grabbing Tim by the hand and led him down the hall and into her bedroom.
“Look, there’s something we should talk about first.”
Tim looked at her curiously and then the wall where there were pictures of Aaron in his football gear, trophies with his name on it. Pictures of Aaron with his parents. “You didn’t tell me you had a brother…”
Erin shook her head. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t have a brother. I’m an only child.”
Tim looked at her for a long moment, “I don’t understand.”
“Those are my things. This is my room. I haven’t always been a woman. These things you see are from before all of that.”
Tim just looked at her and then looked back at the photos and then back at her. He was seeing the resemblance between the two. It was starting to click in his head. “How long ago?”
“About a year and a half ago.”
“This is why we don’t really talk about things you’ve done before then.”
“Yes. But we can now, if you want to know.”
“I -- I think I need some time to think this through.” He says to her. “I was not expecting to hear this. I was not expecting it at all.”
“I understand.”
They finished dinner without another word about a proposal and when Tim left, he kissed her on the cheek instead of a typical kiss and as he drove away, Erin was certain that was the last time she would hear from him.
She would be wrong.
Later that night as she was getting ready for bed, her phone chimed in and as she picked it up and read his text she sat down on her bed and bit back those tears. She knew she was partially at fault for not coming clean earlier, but still.
He wasn’t ready for this. Probably would never be.
As she finished getting ready for bed and started to climb in, her phone chimed in again as she picked it up, heart mood picked up, hoping maybe he’d reconsidered. Instead the text read:
TRAINING STARTS TOMORROW. 6AM. DON’T BE LATE.
I think it’s obvious that we’ll stay happy
'Cause I’m the happiest when you smile at me
And we won't end the same broken family
I'll never walk away without you with me
And times are getting harder
But I'm nothing like my father
SIX MONTHS LATER
Erin has just completed her first match. Time limit draw but she was happy with the twenty minutes she put into the match. She had showered and touched herself up, watched the rest of the card from the back of the high school bleachers where the card was being held. In front of her, two women kept nudging each other and looking back at her. She wasn’t sure what was going on but she turned her attention back to the matches going on and when the show was over, she got her pay and headed out towards the parking lot.
“Erin! Erin Blue!”
She heard to female who was very loud and boisterous. She stopped and figured maybe someone wanted her autograph but why, she’d never know. The two females from before approached her.
“You did great out there tonight!” say one of the women. She was a little heavy, but carried it well. She had dyed her hair blue and wore blue lipstick.
“Really really good,” said the other. She had a more average build and dressed a little more conservatively. Red hair, cut short. Lots of piercings and tattoos. They looked like they might be best of friends. Or perhaps together. It was hard to tell.
“Thanks,” she replied as she started to turn to leave.
“Are you going anywhere? We’d like to buy you dinner.” It was the blue one.
“I, uh,” stuttered Erin, who definitely wasn’t expecting that request. She’d had fans offer to buy her dinner or drinks before and it always kind of creeped her out. This felt different.
Red interrupted, “I’m sorry. I’m Casey and this chatterbox is Louisa.”
After the obligatory handshakes, Erin shrugs, “Well, let’s have dinner. What the hell.”
Dinner went well. So did the several shots of vodka. Then came the questions, which Erin answered with all honesty. Something she swore she would always do, plus she was a tad drunk. Though not too drunk to gauge their reaction.
Which was non-existent. It was as if she told them she worked at a bank for a living.
However, there were those conspiratory looks they were giving each other.
Then came the proposition.
Promise me we’ll never grow up
I don't wanna fall out
I wanna make love
And even when we can't, so what?
We're together, and
Happy ever after, don't make me face the truth
That I'm dying soon
That we're dying
EPISODE 21
Rushing out of Magness Arena, Erin Blue barely had time to grab her gear as she ran out to grab a cab towards the airport. Arriving, she was told she would be put on standby.
She couldn’t sit. So she paced. She approached the kiosk several times asking about a seat when some kind soul offered their seat so she could get home.
The flight landed and she immediately grabbed a cab straight to the hospital.
“What room is my mother in? Erica! Erica Blumenthal!”
The nurse looked up at her, “Are you family?”
“I’m her daughter,” exclaimed Erin as she dug through her pack for her ID and showed it to the nurse.
“Ok, dear. Let me look.” The nurse types something into the computer and she nods, “She’s on the sixth floor, room 616.”
Erin bolted towards the elevators and pushed the button several times before utterings, “Fuck it,” and she bolted through the door with the stairs and went up to the six floor.”
“Room 616! Where is it?” she demanded as she starts walking down the hall and looking at the numbers and finally found her mother’s room. She stopped and stared at her for a moment in the doorway. She was all tubed and wired up. She couldn’t believe it.
God. Her mom.
Tubes and monitors and the entire getup. The doctor came in and explained the situation. It was not good. Casey and Louisa, who Erin left at the show without a word had sent her a few texts, worried, asking if they should come but Erin told them it wasn’t necessary. She would keep them posted.
Erin pulled a chair up to the bed, sat down and reached for her mother’s hand.
At some point, she passed out, head on her mother’s bed, still hand in hand but it was the dull tone that woke her up, just as a nurse came in asking her to step out of the room as others began to full the room. Erin pressed her hands to the glass, tears beginning to roll down her face as she watched them do everything they could. Until there was nothing left to do.
The doctor turned and saw Erin through the glass. He frowned and then just shook his head.
Promise me we’ll never grow up
I don't wanna fall out
I wanna make love
And even when we can't, so what?
We're together, and
Happy ever after, don't make me face the truth
That I'm dying soon
That we're dying
SATURDAY
It hadn’t been a week since her mother’s passing. The funeral was in the morning. She knew she needed to get back to work. She had started packing things up but it was going so slow. As if she were in slow motion. She finally gave up and called someone and now she stood in a completely empty home.
She had watched as everything was being packed up. The memories of some of the items made it almost unbearable. She had decided that most of it would be sold or donated. There were a couple of boxes that she had decided to save for herself.
She glanced out the window and sees the “For Sale” sign standing there. This was the house she grew up in, but this town held nothing for her. She would never live here so selling the house was the best possible option. It had been days since she wore any type of make up. She really didn’t care.
She knew she had to get back to Denver. She had a match in less than a week and it wasn’t just any match. It was against Phoenix Champion Tyke Index. The same Tyke Index who would challenge for the Mile High Championship at the PPV. There was no way he was going to lose his momentum before such an important match, but Erin had wanted to test herself.
She walked over and picked up her phone and positioned it on the window sill and turned it on as she began to record.
ON CAMERA
“Sorry if I don’t look like I normally do. You have no idea what a girl does to get camera ready,” she offers a small smile. The empty living room behind her is the scene as she rubs her hands over the fabric of her jeans. "Things have been a little out of whack here but I wanted to assure everyone I will be at Mile High Wrestling Episode 22 and be ready for my match with Tyke Index.”
“I challenged you, Tyke because I wanted to put myself up against the very best this company has to offer. As much as I hate giving predictions, I don’t see anyone stopping you from defeating Skrabz to become the champion. I’m not here to try and break your momentum going forward. I’m here to test myself. After my loss in the four way and my loss to Leah, I need something. I need someone to push me further, harder. I need the best.”
“You see, now more than ever, this is all I have left going for me. Now, I have to find solace in the violence of our chosen profession. All I have left are my friends, these fans who support me, the wrestlers who have befriended me and that wrestling ring.”
“My home. My sanctuary. My place of worship. And don’t get it twisted, it’s not you I worship but the entire spectacle that is professional wrestling. It wasn’t until today that I realized that the ring would forever be my home. Now, I have to push everything that has happened in the past week aside and I have to step up to the Phoenix Champion and I have to give him the fight of his life.”
“You see, one day I will be a champion. Phoenix Champion. Throwdown Champion. Hardcore Champion. Mile High Champion. I will be a champion. It may take me some time to get there, but until I do -- you are the one directly in my path.”
“And you’re clever. Probably too clever for your own good, Tyke Index. You walk around trying to be funny. So full of charm and grace. Tons of personality. Killer accent. And you’ve certainly figured this wrestling business out, haven’t you? You’ve been doing this much longer than I have. Trust me, I have no illusions.”
“You may beat me, Tyke Index, but I promise you this. You will know that you’ve been in a fight when the bell sounds. And when the dust settles, perhaps the fans, management, the other wrestlers will see me as the threat I am.”
CAMERA OFF
She takes a sigh and leans against the wall. Her phone chirps and she reads the message and smiles. She responds to the message and slips the phone into her back pocket as she walks to the door, opens it and shuts it behind her. As she places the key into the lock, securing the home, she hears a car pull up.
“Perfect timing,” she says to herself as she walks down the steps and greets the realtor. She hands him the keys and smiles, “Take care of her.”
“I will. I’ll be in touch.”
She walks over and gets into her rental and as she starts it up, she looks at the home she grew up in and takes in a deep breath. As she releases the air, it’s as if she’s giving it all up. She digs her phone out and for some strange reason, she pulls up the camera app and takes a picture of the home, then stares at it for a few long moments before closing it down and setting her phone in the seat beside her as she reaches for the radio as “Promise Me” is playing.
“Oy, this song,” she whispers softly as it always get to her. She reaches for the dial and cranks it up a little before pulling away from the curb on her way to the airport. With tears in her eyes, she finds herself singing:
You promised me you'd never grow up
But you fucking grew up
God, I miss you so much
And even when your heart gave out
I was thinkin' I'd love you 'til forever, and I can't face the truth
That I died with you