Azurine Vebbins vs Lance Mikes

National Princess Day wid Notions Towards Brownielocks Day



A malignant malaise muddies our poignant protagonist’s mind on Monday. It’s National Princess Day as “The Hardheaded Housewife” Azurine Vebbins feverishly frets about another form-fitting frock. Making matters more manic is her cousin Cadee. She casually conjures callous chatter when the Camerasphere VRD chimes on. For promotional material posterity, “The Adorkable Angel” is divinely decked out in a brown vintage ruffle peplum cocktail pencil dress. Based on travel schedule for the week, this particular recording also took place inside an Atlanta penthouse suite. 


Cadee Vebbins: All I’m sayin’ is dat I can’t believe you’re takin’ Aunt Audrey’s advice and steppin’ out wid “Da Human Hype” Lance Mikes. Man’s a hot and heavy highlight reel wid plenty of fine film to spool.



Azurine Vebbins: I’m not steppin’ out wid dat cocksure cluck, Cadee. Da reason I’m gettin’ all dolled up is for my wonderful wife’s delight. After all, it’s National Princess Day. Nidia needs to be royally romanced. Still scatterbrained like a savage scepter to da skull viewin’ her helpless on dat last episode of MHW DrowDown.



Cadee Vebbins: You were fraught wid da freakiness factor, weren’t you? Imagine deyr’s only two times you’ve viewed Nidia sittin’ in a chair like dat: waitin’ for dinner or lookin’ for a lap dance. Den again, I imagine Mister Mikes has an ample appetite for amoral affection.



Azurine Vebbins: Cadee! A modicum of decorum, please. I don’t know what’s worse: my mod-er actually schtuppin’ someone I was scheduled to scuffle wid or you currently contemplatin’ me primpin’ myself for a Makaveli moron? Actually, it’s da latter. Deyr’s an established estrangement pattern wid Audrey. You, dough, should know how much of a hallowed honor I hold bein’ an honest housewife. Helps glamorize my gimmick knowin’ I have a lovely lady word fightin’ for.



Dat genuine jubilation jades jealousy from offended opposition. I’m a dangerous dame whenever defiantly defendin’ what I’m devoted to. Ask Agustin Gates. He claimed lasses like me shouldn’t professionally promenade inside squared circles. Dropped him like a live studio audience microphone at Mile High Spectacular 2. Same fate awaits Lance.



Dude might be deluded if he’s dreamin’ ’bout “California Love.” Da sickenin’ sucker better recognize it’s “Dat A-Double Z” blessed by G-O-D who’ll be schleppin’ his mass all ‘cross da rin’ via a suplexin’ spree. We have less dan seven days so deyr’s no conspiracy deo-ry, I’ll be slammin’ Mikes wid such scorchin’ static it’ll cause my chanters to get completely cheery. Yet, deyr’s a chance at dis dance Lance could trip me up. He’s doesn’t want to wind up leavin’ “Da Big Easy” like a cretinous chump. Still, dat’s where I’ll leave him down in dat dump. Why? ‘Cause when da bell rin’s, Azzy V will be dropkickin’ him from da jump.



Cadee Vebbins: Az, dat’s wickity wickity wack. How can you possibly stack next to dat snack? He truly is “Da Definition of Perfection” especially when deyr’s humpin’ happenin’. Maybe Sunday’s when you’ll finally turn da page and begin readin’ “Da Final Chapter?” You’ve choked before in big dance situations, why can’t you just let yourself get wrapped up by dat awe-inspirin’ anaconda?



Azurine Vebbins: Unlike Saint Motel, Cadee, he’s just not my type. Needs more dan a pulse and oxygen goin’ into his lungs. He’s truly yours as you’re enamored by his pretentious package. And it’s not a lady does protest too much deal. I’m tamed, but not a shrew. Plus, dat Shakespearean line of logic comes from Hamlet.



If any-din’ maybe dat’s why you’re so hung up on my opponent for Black Magic. My cousin’s like a landline phone off her receiver. I’m dialed into da right number wid Nidia. She’s definitely got my digits memorized. You, conversely, should double check to make sure da call can be completed as dialed. Would hate havin’ you settle like my step-sister Bonnie.



Cadee Vebbins: You mean Dolly. She changed her name after marryin’ Anya Paige a.k.a. Pet. Speakin’ of dollies, do you have any notions regardin’ dat din’ dat showed up in your dressin’ room dese past few weeks?


Azurine Vebbins: Hashtag SOON cannot come “soon” enough. I swear if whoever staged dat stunt meets me eyes to glasses dis Sunday, dey will be absolutely appreciative if da only din’ I give dem is a sin’le Pearly Gatekeeper. B-flat honest, da amount of blunt foxtrottin’ force I intend to inflict upon dem will no doubt cause deliberate damage. Felt a super sudden shock to da synapses on November 10. Dat sensation will be extremely exponential should I get to grapple whoever gave my wife woe. Whatever wicked witch walks or saunters into Smoodie Kin’ Center best believe deyr will be a reckonin’. Especially considerin’ Sunday’s Brownielocks Day, dey won’t be harmin’ a sin’le brunette hair on my spouse’s happy head.

The Camerasphere VRD blinks off as Azurine's porcelain pucker grimaces.