Hardcore Championship

Anastasia Baudelaire sits in front of a TV, watching her match against Talia Areano. She watches Talia pin her. She shakes her head unapprovingly. Then she faces the camera.


"Quel dommage. I don't know how I lost. How weird, since I'm absolutely perfect. There must of been something going on there that I don't know about. There's just no way someone could beat me fair and square. That doesn't matter, did you see that slap I gave her? Did you see it?"



Anastasia starts laughing really hard. She turns back to the TV and skips back to the slap. This makes her laugh even harder. After skipping back to the slap several times, she finally turns the TV off and faces the camera once again, still laughing.


"Anyway, I did lose, I won't lie. But like I said, Talia wanted that win so bad, but she knew she couldn't beat me. Par consequent, elle a decide de tricher. I don't usually worry, because then I would get grey hairs, but I did worry after that match that Robert Mack wouldn't understand that Talia was acting like Ginger Knox, and he would not trust me to be a champion. But obviously he does, because he put me in this match and obviously none of my other opponents are worthy of being champion.



"Let's take Killer Carter, for example. Vous avez perdue votre match a un perdant. El Diablo Blanco? Really? I don't understand the fans for even liking him. And to think, this big, tall, strong, menacing-looking woman lost to this tiny, short, weird man. Ha! Je pourrais le battre en quelques secondes. And to think, you, Killer Carter, lost to this man. If you went one on one with me you'd lose. In this fatal-four-way you will lose. Killer Carter isn't killer anymore and nobody is scared of you."



Anastasia pauses for a moment to laugh.


"Then we have Chris Mosh. VIP Chris Mosh."



Anastasia laughs again.


"You're name should be NIP Chris Mosh. Not important person!"



Anastasia laughs harder.


"Or P Chris Mosh. Person. Ouais, beaucoup plus appropie. Because you are worse than a not important person. No one cares about you anymore. No one would even call you 'yesterday's news' because you weren't on yesterday's news!"



Anastasia laughs.


"I mean, all you did was lose to losers like Ripley and Emily Falls. Every week. Before I joined MHW I would still watch it, but I would skip all of your matches because they were too predictable. I always thought, garcon partie va perdre. And I was usually right. So you are no obstacle, either."

Anastasia takes a moment to laugh once again, obviously very amused that these two are in the Hardcore championship match.


"And finally we have Katrina Knox. Big and muscular Katrina Knox."



Anastasia shakes her head.


"Je n'ai pas peur de toi. I never will be. In fact, when we step into the ring on Sunday, you are going to be my target. I am going to take you out, and once I do, I will win the match. My perfect, beautiful self will not break a sweat when I take you out. My perfect, beautiful self will take you out in seconds. Because you may be big, but big doesn't compare to perfect. Nous courons un nouveau champion dimanche. That champion is going to be me.

Saturday, May 22nd, 2021
The Barn
Belle Chasse, LA
3:06am
OFF-Canera

It’s 3am on a cloudless Louisiana night as a black Ford expedition roars out of New Orleans proper headed for Belle Chasse. The truck pulls up to a non-descript farmhouse that would have looked out of place even at the time it was built. Three of the four doors open. From the driver’s seat comes Wendy “Zombie” Pellegrini, the passenger seat Aoife “Banshee” Knox, and practically stumbling out of the back seat is Katrina “Hairicin” Knox. The three reach the farmhouse as Banshee uses a key on the thick padlock and opens the large double doors.

Hairicin: Why are we here at The Barn at three in the fucking morning?

Zombie: Last piece of your training.

Hairicin already looks pretty beat up and exhausted as she sighs loudly.

Hairicin: Z, we’ve been at this for hours. I finally got to bed a couple of hours ago.

Zombie: And now we’re here. Now quit bitching and get in that ring.

Banshee closes the doors and turns on the generator to get some light in the Barn. All around the area are dummies and scattered weapons. Hairicin looks around then looks back at Zombie.

Hairicin: Okay, obviously you want me to have a Hardcore match here and now. Who do you and Eef line up as my opponent?

Zombie shakes her head.

Zombie: I appreciate the enthusiasm, but we’re not at that stage yet. First round, knock over the dummies using whatever weapons you want to use… but there’s a catch. Whatever weapon you pick up first is the ONLY weapon you can use. You have sixty seconds and your time starts…

Zombie holds up a stopwatch.

Zombie: ...now.

Hairicin rolls out of the ring, and picks up a kendo stick and as she starts whacking at the first dummy, the dummy not only doesn’t fall down, it barely moves. Hairicin keeps whacking at the dummy, finally getting frustrated enough to tackle it and sends it crashing to the ground. After that minute, Hairicin is obviously spent.

Zombie: One dummy and it took you fifty-seven seconds. Bet it would have taken Anastasia Baudelaire less than forty-five. Try again, use a different weapon. And again you have a minute starting now.

Hairicin grabs a baseball bat this time and manages to knock down two dummies this time in the minute allotted to her. Hairicin is winded but starting to get into a groove. This time, Zombie hands Hairicin an extra-large combination wrench which Hairicin drops instantly.

Hairicin: What the fuck, this thing has to weigh close to 20 pounds.

Zombie: Eighteen to be precise, but think about it, Harry. Think of who you’re getting in the ring with. Baudelaire? Okay, maybe weighs twenty pounds herself. Mosh? Fuck Mosh. Those two already got beat by ugly sticks, they have no chance against you or Killer, but Kara needs to be your focus. You don’t think she’s busting her ass harder than she ever has to beat YOU? I’ve seen her workouts, she’ll be more than ready. You need to be as well. So, pick up tha wrench, and let’s see how many you take down this time. Forty-five seconds this time. Go.

Hairicin is about to protest the shorter time, but instead lets out a battle cry and tears through every dummy with the wrench in under thirty seconds, before throwing the wrench against one of the walls and getting right up in Zombie’s face, angry. Zombie puts the stopwatch in her pocket and smirks at her.

Zombie: Good, good, now you’re ready. Get in the ring, I have an opponent for you.

Hairicin: They better be good, I’m about to tear whoever it is limb from limb.

Zombie looks at Aoife, who’s been getting concerned by all of this. Hairicin is breathing hard, ner nostrils flaring, her shoulders heaving, every muscle in your arms twitching as Zombie takes her kutte off and steps in the ring. Hairicin steps back.

Hairicin: I’m not fighting you.

Zombie: Nope. You’re fighting Kara, Mosh and Ana. I’m fighting Sullivan. Now, hit me bitch.

Hairicin’s slight hesitation was enough for Zombie to unload on her and get her into the corner. Zombie would not let up as she buried chop after chop into Hairicin’s chest before Hairicin exploded out of the corner with a flurry of offense leading to Zombie being hoisted in the air and thrown out of the ring onto the weapons below. Hairicin rolls out of the ring, still on the hunt for Zombie, before Zombie thumbs her in the eye and rolls her back in the ring. Banshee is now in the ring, taking on the role of referee as her wife and her wife’s tag partner duke it out like mortal enemies. At the ten minute mark, Banshee gets between the two of them as Hairicin and Zombie shake hands before hugging it out.

Zombie: Eef, you’re driving us home. Harry, I can’t make you any more ready than I have. Continue reviewing matches, theirs and ours. We have a chance of sweeping all the titles this week. And some of us have the opportunity to prove they are the top contenders for them.

Hairicin: I’ll tell you something, Z. I love you as a tag partner and a Shieldmaiden. Would take a bullet for you. As my coach? I want to beat the living shit out of you.

Zombie laughs and slaps Hairicin on the shoulder, knowing full-well the pain she’s in.

Zombie: Same reason I’m glad Tony moved back to New York. Lucky for you, I’m the one training you. Unlucky for you, I’m training you the same way he taught me. Now you see what I went through. I promise, no early wake-up call tomorrow. Enjoy your night. Tomorrow, you need to get that promo out. Remember what I taught you about that aspect.

Hairicin: Never go full Krigare?

Banshee: Aye, ye ne'er bae goin' Full Krigare! Ye go Full Krigare, ye bae goin' home empty-handed!

Zombie holds up a finger like she’s about to ask a question, but thinks better of it as they head to the truck for the ride home.



Sunday, May 23rd, 2021
Shieldmaidens Gym
New Orleans, LA
10:10pm
ON-Camera

The sounds of weights clang in the background as a sweaty-faced Hairicin towels off while holding her phone in her hand. While it is hard to tell who’s all the gym behind her, one can at least tell everyone is practicing social distancing and wearing masks as they train, including Hairicin herself who had only lowered it for the few seconds it took to towel off and take a drink of water.

“It’s safe to say that even in defeat, every one of us in this match proved ourselves enough to be in this title match. Chris Mosh fell to Bruiser. Anastasia Baudelaire fell to Talia Areano, though to hear Ana tell it, she didn’t lose at all. She COULDN’T have lost. Killer Carter fell to El Diablo Blanco. And Zombie and I lost to Bandit and Psycho. When you look at things from that perspective, not one of us has any high ground. Yet, looking at the participants and their alignments, and it’s a much different situation.

Chris Mosh calls himself The VIP, but he seems too focused on mugging for the cameras and chasing the skirts of the referees, specifically Ginger Knox. Thankfully, no relation. He does not take this match, this industry, or his career as serious as he should. All the distractions you welcome into your life, Chris, can and will be your downfall. It will be, and has already started to be, the ball and chain on your ankle that causes you to shuffle along in your day-to-day. I’ve watched your career in Mile High for some time, Chris, and it always feels like you are a baby bird that just can’t leave the nest. That point where you have to take that leap of faith and either make it and fly, or fall flat on your face, and you are so afraid to do it. Meanwhile, so many other birds have come in, stood on that ledge, flapped their wings and soared. Some, yes, fell on their face but they tried and tried some more until they got it. You haven’t tried yet, and I question whether you ever will, or even if you even can.

Anastasia Baudelaire, la petite princesse. Honestly, until I watched your match with Areano, I had no idea who you were. I went and looked up your old photoshoots to get an idea of how far you’ve come from your modeling days to your wrestling physique, and I will admit, tu es vraiment impressionnante. There’s only one problem, you’re greener than I am. I’m lucky I’ve had the ability to be in a tag team with a great partner in Zombie, and I’m undefeated in the few singles matches I’ve had elsewhere, but even I’m still learning. You’ve had, what, one match? I don’t overlook anybody, I’ve seen others do it and it bite them in the ass but, please, do yourself a favor before you really get hurt. Work hard, build yourself a reputation, get some more matches under you, and then try to convince the world how good you are. T’es pas prêt encore.

Aye, Kara. The two biggest Shieldmaidens in Mile High, and Mr. Mack thought it’d be a good idea to put us against one another. I don’t know how to say this and be respectful, but it’s fairly obvious we have the advantage in this match just on the numbers alone. We have the name recognition, the brand recognition, the size, the strength, the strength in numbers, but I can also say some of that also puts the pressure on us. Bullet, Bandit, Psycho, Bruiser, Zombie, Titaness, they made their marks here. We really haven’t, so the pressure is on us to show we’re on their level. We’ve trained together, and we’ve trained apart, because we both wanted something in our arsenal that the other doesn’t know about, in hopes we can use it to win. It’s funny, seems like every Maiden has their favorites for lack of a better term. We all have our ones who are closest to them, that we have a rapport with, and I count you as one of my closest. I look up to you, Kara, which is why I have to bring that extra bit of energy, that one extra move, that something, so that win or lose, you’re proud of me. And if I have to pick up the tab that night because you beat me, I’ll pay it gladly just as I know you’d do the same for me.

Mosh, Ana, Kara, welcome to Fort Knox.”