***NOTE - ALL CHARACTERS USED IN THIS PROMO ARE DREAM PARODIES. CONFIRMED AS FAIR USE BY R. MACK HIMSELF. THANK YOU, AND ENJOY.***
May 20th, 2021
Hushåll Zdunich
New Orleans, LA
1:45pm
ON-Camera
The scene opens up as two motorcycles roll up the driveway, past the black Rolls-Royce Wraith and the Bursting Blue Volvo V60, before parking beside them. The taller of the two women takes off her helmet, releasing the curly blonde and brown hair, before the shorter one removes hers, releasing her white-blonde hair from underneath. They run their fingers through it to fix it, before the shorter blonde leads the taller woman inside.
Krigare: Honeys, I’m home! And I brought company.
From the cellar door off the kitchen come Eavan’s wives, Katra and Adriana Zdunich, who see the taller woman in the entrance before hugging Eavan.
Katra: Hej Bobbi! You... bring… guitar?
Bobbi “Burnout” Layne, Shieldmaiden prospect, and Eavan’s charge, shook her head no, almost shamefully.
Burnout: No, unfortunately. Kri… Eavan and I just came back from target practice.
Adriana smiles, bouncing on her toes.
Adriana: It’s okay, between Eavan and Katra, we have plenty of guitars. Have you seen the studio downstairs yet?
Burnout: No, but I’m looking forward to it soon. Thank you for allowing me to come visit again.
Eavan looks from Adriana back to Bobbi and starts to chuckle.
Krigare: B, we’re not at the Compound anymore. At ease. You’re also off suspension, actually everyone I've spoken to about you really appreciates the work you’ve been putting in. Come, sit. I can finally tell you all about the dream I had last night. You were all in it.
Katra: You... dream… me?
Eavan cocks her eyebrow and smirks, before kissing her.
Krigare: Alltid, but this one was funny.
As the four all gather in the living room, Eavan sits cross-legged in the armchair like she’s holding court, before turning to face what would be the screen everyone is watching them through.
Krigare: And you can all watch along too! Cue the logo and theme!
Adriana: I wore a mini-skirt?
Krigare: Uh huh, looked pretty hot in it too.
Katra: You like… me Daphne?
Eavan sighs as she smiles, as she dotes over her wife.
Krigare: When have I ever not liked anything you do? Besides that day.
Katra lowers her head, almost blushing. Bobbi smiles along, appreciating the genuine love and caring between the three of them.
Burnout: As Bullet would say, es la verdad. You guys are genuinely the sweetest people I’ve met. Isn’t Scooby brown though?
Krigare: Aye, but he also ain’t a pug either and Vader is cuter.
Adriana: How many hours have you logged on Valhalla so far?
Eavan looks down at her feet, as Adriana crosses her arms in front of her.
Krigare: Close to two hundred?
Katra: Eavan… Eivor… is close to same.
Burnout: Wait, so we're not going to bring up the talking hamburger and the cat lady? Where did we go anyways?
Krigare: I don't know but you guys do come back. Somehow. You know dreams are weird.
Krigare: And that was that.
As all are snickering at Eavan’s telling of the dream, even as she pantomimed parts of it, Katra gets up from the couch.
Katra: You... funny, Evvy.
Adriana: You definitely have an imagination. Wonder where I can get an orange sweater though.
Eavan laughs as everyone gets up. Eavan nods her chin up towards Burnout.
Krigare: Want to see the studio finally? You can come watch a side of me you don’t get to see at the Compound. Then I’ll let you free to jam with Katra and Addy. You’ll love it down there.
Burnout: I’d love to. If you guys don’t mind of course?
Adriana looks Burnout up and down, and mockingly crosses her arms.
Adriana: I don’t know. Evvy calls you her work wife, so I’m not sure whether we should be allowing this… other woman in.
Burnout looks a bit sad but before she can say anything, Adriana smiles and Katra shakes her head with a smile of her own.
Katra: You... learn… Addy... make... joke… a lot?
Eavan looks at Burnout as she rolls her eyes, while Adriana is leading Burnout to the basement door.
Krigare: This is what I deal with every day. Damn I’m lucky.
As they all head down, Katra heads to her soundproof room littered with guitars all over the walls, and Marshall amps everywhere. Burnout follows her in as Adriana stands at the door, Eavan behind her with her arms around her waist.
Adriana: Getting into your Loose Cannon mode? You’re being careful, right?
Krigare: I am, to both questions. Make sure you and Nala are ready to go to Tokyo, we’re leaving Wednesday morning to allow us a couple of days to look around and stuff before my match over there. Then we fly out practically after the match to get into Denver Sunday morning where I fight Skrabz that night, and then I can rest for a few days as I’m only making an appearance in San Diego that following Friday. And I’m going to need you to trust me on something I’m going to do that night, alright? I know you don’t like Sel’s wife, but for the sake of the family, and to help her to hopefully get better, Christina will be part of my group. I need your support on this.
Adriana slowly shrugs, her head lowers a bit, before she turns around and faces Eavan.
Adriana: If you think you can help her, and you think you can trust her, do it. It’ll take me a while, but you know I support you in everything.
As Burnout and Katra finish up their conversation, Katra puts her headphones on, and Burnout joins the other two at the door.
Burnout: Alright, Krigare, show me this other side of you.
Adriana: I’ll let you and the other woman be. I’m going to get dinner started. Making tacos tonight. You’re staying for dinner, right, Bobbi?
Burnout, a bit surprised by the impromptu invite, nods her head.
Burnout: Um, sure, I’d like that. Thank you.
Adriana gives Eavan a hug and kiss, then hugs Bobbi, before heading back upstairs. Eavan opens the door to her office and leads Burnout in, and nods to a chair behind a camera set up to point at her desk.
Krigare: Welcome to Lejonhålan, that's The Lion's Den in Swedish. Zdunich Records, the home of the Krigare Unleashed podcast, and where I cut my promos when I’m home. Now, you know me as Krigare, the perky happy-go-lucky woman who basks in being around her sisters. When it comes to wrestling, well, I’m a bit of a bitch. Okay, a lot of a bitch. Take a seat over there, and watch a master at work.
Burnout sits down immediately, feeling a shift in attitude emanating from the sister she’s known as Krigare to this seemingly complete other identity. Eavan moves the camera back a little and sits on her desk, the soft loving smile turning into a sinister grin as the red light of the camera comes on.
So the Ol’ Dirty Bastard returned, huh? Wait, no, that’s wrong. He was famous and talented. You’re closer to the equivalent of Snow. Moving on.
I wish I can say welcome back but we both know why you're here. Two weeks ago, from this very desk… ooh, desks, I had something I wanted to say about that, but we'll come back to that. Two weeks ago, while I verbally berated Azurine, Leah and Stephanie, right at the end, I made a challenge. To you. So it got me thinking. Gave me a few theories.
One, you were sitting on your porch in whatever rooming house you were living at, bunny ears on your TV, and you watched me. Thankful to yourself you got out to live your best life, when all of a sudden, you hear your name. You heard what I said about you. And you cried. Cried those tears one does when they realize they haven't been forgotten. So you borrowed some change, waddled your ass to the only phone booth with a working receiver, and you called Katrina. Begging, pleading, let me come back to work. The people miss me.
Or, second theory, one of your thugs found you on the corner of Seventh and Main in your little cardboard abode, holding a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck, and filled your head with dreams of grandeur. Whatever road you took to get here, now here you are. But I wonder, Skrabz. Are you REALLY here?
See, I’ve researched you. Dusted off the old shows, watched the big bad Skrabz win titles and destroy everyone in his wake. I watched the big bad Skrabz tear through opponent after opponent, the rare loss to Bullet. HE was impressive, HE’S the one I want to fight on the thirtieth. However, I saw a more recent version of you, Skrabz. The man who lost to the human Jigglypuff, Azurine Vebbins. Dude, the fuck happened there? I know you watched this past show, the show you tried to steal my thunder at. Did you not see her tap out? Did you not see how EASILY I made her tap? Sure, I went down to Leah not long afterwards, but she’d tell you it wasn’t easy.
I saw the same thing the world did. You in Katrina’s office, signing your contract, but while everyone was all ‘oh my God, he’s back’, I studied you. And you didn’t look good at all. When I at least expected Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, I got Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. Old, fat, slow, only there for the money. You didn’t impress me anymore. You’re a shell of the Man you think you are, and I wonder if you even know it. When the alcohol and cocaine wear off, will you then? They’re wonderful drugs, I know, I’ve been on them. Thought I was the greatest thing going until reality set in and I had a bigger fight on my hands.
Episode Thirty-Two, pup, I hope to give you the wake-up call I had to get. I want to be able to say either I beat the best man to ever step in a Mile High ring, or I lost to a newly-awakened Skrabz who is set to reclaim his glory. I don’t hate you, not yet. That will depend on who I get to face. You find your A game again? Whether I win or lose, you’ll have earned my respect. Show up the way you looked last show, and I’ll be disappointed.
Hell, son, you want me to light an even bigger fire under your ass? The way you were bent over Katrina’s desk, she had that look of disappointment that she hadn’t brought her strap=on to peg your ass right there. Then again, maybe she only did that to Bic Mack when things were better between them.
I ain’t going to take up much more of your time, hell I probably lost your ass after the Ol’ Dirty Bastard bit and you’ve been sitting there drooling on yourself in some daze. Must be some good shit you’re snorting or shooting. Or you’ve had too many shots to the skull from wrestling and those bum fights I’ve heard you’ve had a few of.
Don’t disappoint me, Boy.
.png)
