Society has elected Joe Biden as their president. Or have they?
The economy is flourishing. Or is it?
Jake Paul is the world’s most popular celebrity. OR IS HE???
“GERT DERM IT!” Apex Jones screams, storming into the living room of the double-wide he shares with Triangle King and Karen Justice.
“Would ya quiet down? Our show is on!” Triangle King yells back, leaning in his recliner, staring at a TV screen that displays the title ‘Ancient Mysteries’.
Apex pauses, totally interested in what’s on the screen. Slowly, he stumbles forward, collapsing onto a barely functioning couch, right next to Karen Justice. The program airs, in its entirety.
TWO HOURS OF MOSTLY COMMERCIALS LATER
“See? I done told the both of ya. Aliens built them pyramids. They flew down here in them there flying plates and made them as symbols. Just like how we planted that flag on the moon...or, pretended to, anyway.” Triangle King finishes, leaning back, pondering all the ancient mysteries. The next program begins to air. It’s titled “History of the US Presidency”. He turns it off. “Fuckin bullshit, ain’t watchin that!”
The other two agree.
“So what was it you were all upset about again?” Triangle King postures, remembering Apex storming in two hours earlier.
Apex blanks out for a second. He looks down at the sheet of paper in his hand. A memory triggers, “Oh yea! What the fuck is this two hundred dollar charge doing on our account?” He waves the paper around furiously...there’s no way anybody can read what it says. “It’s the damn kabal debiting our account, trying to silence us, isn’t it?”
Triangle King snatches the paper, “Lemme take a gander.”
Karen Justice starts to speak. But they silence her. Women don’t talk much around these two.
“Karen, before you open that mouth and spout some overcomplicated bullshit, how about you get into that kitchen and fry us up a bologna sandwich. The men need to talk and think.”
Karen nods and does as instructed.
“Well waddya know,” Triangle King blurts, upon dissecting the withdrawal, “this time it ain’t them.”
“Really?” Apex Jones responds. “Who the hell was it, then? It’s gotta be somebody!”
Triangle King neatly folds the paper in half.
“It wasn’t the woman, was it?” Apex is, of course, referring to Karen Justice. “If it was, I’m gonna introduce her to the back of this hand.” Apex raises his left hand. It isn’t his strong hand, but it’s strong enough for a woman.
“Nah, this time it weren’t her.” Triangle King hands the paper back over, “It was me.”
“YOU?!” Apex nearly shoots through the roof. “Well, what the hell was the money for?”
“I placed a bet on that Logan Paul fella. He’s fighting that no good Mayweather punk.”
Apex ponders. “Logan? Isn’t his name Jake?”
“I sure as hell hope not. Otherwise I bet on the wrong son of a bitch.”
Apex stands...the couch nearly collapses from the thrust of his giant pelvis. He paces the shag carpeted living room floor. “What were the odds?”
“Damnit, man, speak to me like a man, not like a fuckin robot!”
Triangle King pauses, he does the math. It’s hard. He grabs a tiny calculator. He punches the buttons...several times. Part because it’s a shitty calculator that doesn’t register every time you hit a button but mostly because math is hard.
“Ah hell,” he slings the calculator through the window. It doesn’t break. It literally goes through the window because the window ceases to exist. They blamed Karen for the incident. “It’s too early in the day for math.” It’s 3pm. “But I’ll win, like, a lot of money. You can bet your bottom dollar.”
“Well that’s a good thing considering we’re down to our bottom dollar.” Apex Jones smacks the wall. Their double-wide shakes.
“H -” Karen tries to ask why their home is shaking.
“Quiet, woman! We’re doing math!”
Karen shuts her yap.
“Oh quit putting up such a fuss. We’ll be riding high on the hog tomorrow night.” Triangle King is very, very confident in his wager.
“True, that mayweather boy’s name is Floyd, after all.”
Triangle King nods. Floyd is a very gay name.
“But back to this Jake Paul kid.”
“Logan,” Triangle King corrects.
“You sure it isn’t Jake? I remember a Jake Paul knocking out some basketball player.”
“Pretty sure it’s Logan.”
Apex stares at Triangle King. Triangle King stares at Apex. Apex stares harder at Triangle King. Triangle King stares harder at Apex. Apex stares EVEN HARDER at Triangle King. Triangle King stares EVEN HARDER at Apex. Eyes narrow.
Karen walks in with smoldering, delicious bologna sandwiches. We cut away.
Mysteries abound. Is it Logan? Or is it Jake? The Q Files are on the case. They seek answers.
In the meantime, one absolute fact faces our trio of truthers. They will step inside the ring against a faction named ‘The Purge’. What do they know about ‘The Purge’? Let’s find out.
Karen Justice I…
Apex Jones SHUT UP, KAREN. Just hand us the info.
Triangle King Damnit, woman. You fucked up again.
Karen Justice …
Triangle King These are images of bitches. Aint no way in tarnation we’re facing women.
Karen Justice …
Apex Jones Wait a second. You’re saying we ARE facing women?
Triangle King HAHA
Apex Jones Well, this should be easy, then. We’ll punch them in the titties and that’ll be that.
Triangle King Or kick them straight in the gash.
Apex Jones Eh, I don’t know about that. Diseases are probably hanging out down there.
Triangle King True. Hey, look at this one. Her name is Katrina Knox. She calls herself Hairicin.
Apex Jones Geezus. That looks like one of them hermes...or a transwhatever. We sure that’s a woman?
Triangle King Says so right here her name is Katrina and I don’t know no man named Katrina.
Apex Jones Only that hurricane created by the government to wipe out the minorities of New Orleans.
Triangle King That storm was a bitch. Kinda like this ‘Hairicin’. What the hell is a Hairicin anyway?
Apex Jones Sounds like some bitchy gobbledygook to me. Women are so stupid.
Triangle King You can say that again. Is Hairicin like someone who cuts other people’s hair?
Apex Jones Maybe. Maybe its painkillers for hair discomfort.
Triangle King Why do women gotta go and make shit so confusing.
Apex Jones Because that’s their way.
Triangle King If you are gonna cut peoples hair just call your damn self a barber or a stylist or whatever stupid name women who cut hair call themselves to sound important.
Apex Jones Fuckin women.
Triangle King Fuckin ay. Oh, check this other one out. Wendy "Zombie" Pellegrini.
Apex Jones ZOMBIE?!
Triangle King She sure don’t look like a Zombie. Maybe a model zombie. If she is a zombie she’s the prettiest damned zombie i ever saw.
Apex Jones I’d let her suck my dick.
Triangle King Really? That sounds kinda dangerous thing to let a zombie do to ya.
Apex Jones I’m just saying.
Triangle King I will say this. She’s got the stupidest name I ever did hear. Wendy Pellegrini. It’s like an italian girl that got named by the most uncreative fuckers imaginable.
Apex Jones Pellegrini. Isn’t that a kind of wine? I personally wouldn’t know. I drink beer. Not that fufu stuff.
Triangle King Yes. Or, close enough to figure that’s where she got the name inspiration. Fuckin women are so uncreative.
Karen Justice -Nods-
Apex Jones So we got a Zombie and a Hairicin. What do those two have in common, again?
Triangle King Aside from being in a team called THE PURGE, nothing. Come to think of it, I’m not sure what a Zombie has to do with a fuckin purge. You’d think a purge would be led to kill the zombies. The zombies wouldn’t be in charge of a fuckin purging.
Apex Jones You make a mighty fine point.
Triangle King This is fuckin ridiculous.
Apex Jones HEY. Who’s that filthy slutty looking blonde bitch?
Triangle King That’s their manager. Eaven Boloney, or some shit. I don’t know, I’m tired of reading about these three bimbos.
Apex Jones Her nickname is Krigare. What’s a krigare?
Triangle King One of them instant coffee machines, I think.
Apex Jones Oh. Well, that bitch can grab me a cup of joe after we’re done whipping the shit out of her two lesbian lovers.
Triangle King Works for me.
Apex Jones Mother of fuck.
Triangle King What’s got your jimmies rustled?
Apex Jones Their theme song is a skillet ‘original’.
Triangle King SKILLET? That evanescence rip off band?
Apex Jones Yes.
Triangle King Don’t tell me its Awake and Alive. Somehow, that would make them even more generic than they already are.
Apex Jones No. They got really radical with the song choice. It’s ‘Feel Invincible’.
Triangle King Somehow, that’s worse.
Apex Jones Yes. Three invincibly generic white females. We got this, TK.
Triangle King For sure. If this is the best Mile High has to offer, I’d say we’ll be in the Hall of Fame by mid July.
Apex Jones I heard something about the Shieldmaidens being the best.
Triangle King HAHAHAHA
Apex Jones LOL
Triangle King BLAHAHAHA
Apex Jones LULZ, I know.
Triangle King Please. I can’t take anymore of this bland shit. We’ll talk about those dykes when the time comes. For now, we gotta focus on purging the shitty purge while also solving this damn mystery.
Apex Jones Okay. KAREN
Karen Justice Nods
Apex Jones Pack some snacks. It’s go time.
TROLLING A COLLEGE CAMPUS
Triangle King eyes the students. Apex Jones finishes off a bag of cheetos. Karen Justice throws the bag away for him.
“So,” Apex licks his orange fingers, “ya think this is where we’ll get some answers?”
“Yes. College kids will know, for sure, whether it’s Jake or Logan Paul.”
“Well, alright then,” Apex smacks his index finger. He spots a cute, petite girl. He heads her way.
“EXCUSE ME, MISS.” HIs loud, aggressive voice frightens her. She jumps back and stands, side facing Apex...ready to run if things get weirder. “Yes, you.” Apex waves his orange fingers wildly. His eyes are bulging. He’s very excited. “I just wanted to ask you…”
The girl sprints away. Apex’s brow winkles with curiosity. Triangle King sides up next to him, “What the hell is her problem?”
“Probably that time of the month,” Apex shrugs. “My fault for asking a woman a question. Let’s find a man.”
A skinny college male skateboards toward them. “HEY YOU, YEA YOU!” Apex rushes his way. The skinny kid doesn’t know how to react. He tries swerving but hits a snag in the pavement and tumbles forward. Apex stands over him, “What’s the matter with you, boy?”
The kid groans. Triangle King grabs his skateboard...he sees a Triangle on it. “APEX!”
Apex sees the triangle. “He’s one of them!” The duo kick and stomp the kid until he cries. University police show up.
“Hey! Not public beatings!”
Apex and Triangle King cease in their assault. The wounded, bruised kid grabs his skateboard and limps away. “Who are you to tell us what to do? THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY.”
“It’s in the campus bylaws. No public beatings.” The UPD officer replies.
Apex and Triangle King look at one another. They sigh and part. Karen Justice steps in.
She unleashes a tongue lashing to end all tongue lashings. It ends with “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to speak to your manager.”
THE DEAN’S OFFICE
The Dean sits behind his giant, wooden desk. He’s got all types of awards behind him. His desk is neatly organized with a few items meant to exude intelligence.
“So, what was that kerfuffle about?” he asks, with stern politeness.
Apex Jones, Triangle King, and Karen Justice all sit, facing him. Karen starts to speak, but Apex snaps his fingers. “These go snap, you shut your trap.” Karen does as instructed.
“Now look here, Dean. All this wood. All them books. That there trophy don’t mean nothin to a couple of men like us. We see through the fakade.”
Triangle King leans back, throwing his arms in the air, “There ya go. Trying to sound all uppity to discredit us.”
Apex Jones takes control, seeing how exacerbated Triangle King is. “Look, Dean. We’re getting off on the wrong foot, here.” The Dean spots the arms of his very fine chairs. They have orange streaks running across them. He slides a box of tissues toward Apex. Apex slaps them away, “Gert derm it! Would you listen to me, Dean?”
The Dean is beginning to think they believe his name is actually Dean.
“We were just trying to figure out whether or not it’s Jake or Logan Paul. That’s all. But kids these days...millennials or whatever you wanna call em, are so damn sensitive. They can’t even answer on simple question!”
A smile crosses the Dean’s face, “Actually, it’s both.”
“BOTH?!” Triangle King and Apex Jones shout in unison. Karen’s eyes widen.
“Yes, you see…”
The Dean rambles into a very passionate speech all about the Paul boys. Apex Jones and Triangle King tune him out, instantly. They’ve made up their minds. Once finished, The Dean stands. He’s sporting a massive erection.
“Those Paul boys sure are something. Can’t wait until tomorrow night.” He unzips the front of his pants and begins to jerk off. Turning around, he notices the members of Q Files have left.
RIDING THE UNIVERSITY BUS BACK TO THE NEAREST SPOT SO THEY CAN CATCH PUBLIC TRANSPORT HOME
“There’s two of em?” Apex Jones asks, rhetorically.
Triangle King nods, “Yep.”
“You know what that means,” Apex says, confidently.
Krigare is right, I’m not dealing with anything the right way. It’s like I’ve been on a continual start and stop. I’m in the main event, to get a shot at the World Championship in WWA if I can get past my own stablemate in Raven Crowe. I’ve been a tag champion there and still part of the hottest team over there with Harry, and yet when I look at Mile High, I’m on a slope that ends at curtain-jerking the Ammo shows. The fuck happened to me...
Pellegrini House New Orleans, LA June 6th, 2021 OFF-Camera
Wendy Pellegrini arrived home covered in blood. She parked her bike in the garage beside her Expedition and walked in through the garage door. She knew she had a good half hour before her son, J, came home and would ask questions. Wendy quickly went upstairs, shed her bloody clothes, tossing her Shieldmaidens kutte in a plastic bag in the closet, and stepped into the shower. The sting of the open cuts on her fists and her face made her tense up, before banging her head repeatedly against the shower wall. A couple of minutes later, she feels a cold draft as the bathroom door opens.
Lexa: You okay?
Wendy closes her eyes, and pounds her fist against the shower wall. Not as hard as she had banged her head previously, but enough to make a sound. Wendy knew she could dismiss anyone with a curt comment, but there was no getting one over on her wife, Lexa.
Wendy: Got into a fight at the Clubhouse.
Lexa: I know, Eavan told me. She’s worried about you.
Wendy: I’ll be fine, Love. Think you can patch up my eye and hide it from J? Krigare got me good on the brow line.
Lexa: I’ll do what I can. Let me know when you’re out of the shower, I’ve got supper going. Making my stuffed chicken tonight.
Wendy turns off the water, and pulls a towel from the rack. Lexa sits down on the toilet beside the shower.
Lexa: So what happened?
Wendy: I’ve been asking myself that same question. I feel like I went from being the leader of The Purge to the weakest link of the team. Eavan helped us get more notoriety and respect, but her shadow is huge. Kat’s gone on an undefeated solo career and now has the Hardcore Title. And I got left behind.
As Wendy steps out of the shower, towel wrapped around her body, her long black hair matted to her head, Lexa gets up and places her hands on her shoulders.
Lexa: You’re going to tell me out of everything you have in your life, your job is causing you the most stress?
Wendy takes a deep breath and sighs. She places her hands on top of Lexa’s.
Wendy: It’s more than that. I feel like I’m letting you down as well. Eavan nailed it on the head, I’m getting jealous of everyone else’s success, including yours. I don’t feel like I’m pulling my weight like I should.
Lexa cocks an eyebrow as she tilts her head down slightly.
Lexa: Stop. We're a team, remember? No one above the other. I know you will get your rhythm back. You’ve only been fighting for a couple of years, it’s a sophomore slump. You’re like a band’s second album. Maybe not as good as the first time, but over time, you’ll realize it’s not as bad as you thought. You have all the talent in the world. You’re smart, you have more personality than you show people. Be you. Let yourself shine. Learn a move nobody is doing, or make one your own. Something that will make people notice you.
Wendy nods along as she processes what Lexa was telling her, before she pulls Lexa in for a hug.
Wendy: Do you know what I love most about you?
Lexa: What’s that?
Wendy: This, right now. You tell me what I need to hear, and feeling you, I know you mean well in doing so. Thank you.
Lexa pulls back from the hug and cups Wendy’s face in her hands.
Lexa: You’d do the same for me, and you have. Much as I hate to say this, you need to get dressed. J will be home soon.
Wendy jokingly pouts before kissing her wife, passionately as she weaves her fingers in Lexa’s hair and giving a gentle tug. Lexa gasps quietly as she’s pulled back.
Wendy: I know. Go get dinner started, I’ll be right down to help. I love you.
Lexa: I love you too.
The screen is black but we can hear shuffling of bodies and something heavy being dragged across a room.
“So we’re generic white girls…”
“Well, maybe you are. I’m transgender apparently.”
“The fat bald one said I was a sexy zombie, and wanted me to suck his dick. Almost started divorce proceedings so I could run away with him, I couldn’t resist for a minute. Hey, do you think he even knows where it is?”
“That would be stupid, and playing exactly into their opinions of us, and women in general. Maybe that King guy does? I mean, they seem kinda close, and neither of them like their Karen friend very much.”
“Harry, come on now. We can’t be making those kinds of jokes. It’s 2021, and besides, they called us lesbians in an insulting manner. We can’t be like that or like them.”
“Maybe we can…”
“Shut up, Eavan, I swear to God I’ll…”
Laughter can be heard from the three women before they all appear on-screen. All three are sitting on a couch with t-shirts saying ‘Science Is Your Friend’. Eavan is wearing a mask that says ‘I Already Did My Promo’ before slipping away to leave the other two to do their thing.
“Do you know what the sad thing about all of this is, Harry?”
“What’s that, Z?”
“They’re going to get over. Think about it. These guys represent a large proportion of the population. These two are not anomalies. These are the emboldened because of who we had to endure for the last four years. These are the people who hold enough power to stop progress in this country, and then will have the balls to say the government hasn’t done enough. There’s no winning against that kind of mentality. They can’t be educated because if it didn’t come from a friend of a friend on Facebook, then it can’t be true.”
“Mack does like his characters, doesn’t he?”
“That he does. Being simple voices of reason don’t matter, because we’re not entertaining. We’re not over-the-top representations of something, we’re Shieldmaidens. We’re the good guys, but we get our hands dirty. However, nobody really sees us as the good guys. We get looked at as knock-offs, and that really pisses me off. Do people not realize how many motorcycle clubs there are out there in the world? But no, we’re generic versions of some TV show or some bullshit. Fuck off with that.”
“Actually, Wendy, I have the answer of how to get rid of them.”
“You… you haven’t been around the armory with Krigare and Burnout, have you?”
“No, no, nothing like that. No, we give them concussions.”
“How would that stop them from coming back? You’ve heard them. I don’t think they have a brain between the two of them TO concuss.”
“Well, think about it. You’ve had a concussion, I’m sure. You arrive in hospital, You’re disoriented. Doctor checks your pupils. They ask you do you know where you are. What’s your name. Who’s the President…”
“Oh shit, you’re right.”
“Automatic psychiatric evaluation. Those guys will never get out.”
“Two less we’ll never miss. I like it. Hey, think I could try something while we’re here?”
“Stand up. I want to punch you in the tits, see what happens.”
“As long as I get to hit you back.”
The two stand up, and Zombie drills Hairicin full a straight right punch directly into her chest. Hairicin winces for a second as she staggers back a couple of steps before coming back with a solid right of her own, sending Zombie back a few feet before they come back to the couch and sit down.
“Well, guess that tactic won’t work either.”
“They overlooked something while cutting us down. Lord knows they won’t give us credit for anything, it isn’t in them, but see, I have this…”
Hairicin reaches beside the couch and picks up the MHW Hardcore Title and drapes it over her shoulder.
“This belt is a license to maim. This belt allows me to do anything I want to to be victorious. This belt gives me access to weapons that will make your blood run cold, make that same cold blood spill all over the canvas, and leave your piss-covered carcasses laying in the ring while we stand over you taking that W. Honestly, I don’t NEED this championship to do so, but you can bet that I will USE my position in MHW as its representation of the Hardcore division, to beat the stupid out of each of you.”
“Apex Jones, Triangle King, by the way, great names boys. How long did that take you to come up with those original monikers? I’m just asking as that generic woman. If you aren’t ready by now, you won’t be ready by Throwdown. Believe what you will, believe what you won’t, but one thing that will be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt is that when you step in the ring with The Purge, there will be no democracy. There will be no diplomacy. There will be no race to the polls, no rigging of elections. All there will be are two little boys scared out of their wits with two powerhouse women staring down at you, waiting for the bell to sound. Then let the games begin.”
“The truth… is right in front of you.”
Admin: Note that the deadlines have changed. I made the change for the convenience of the other judges.
May 17, 2021 15:21:30 GMT -6
Admin: Hope everyone is enjoying their 4th of July weekend/week/day! 💪💯💯
Jul 4, 2021 14:22:58 GMT -6
Admin: Where do yall hist photos? I'm thinking about switching sites, because I'm paying a monthly subscription for Photobucket and they got watermarks back on my images. I'm guessing it's a glitch or something, but it's already been two days.
Aug 7, 2021 6:56:18 GMT -6
The Purge: I use Imgur - and I've never paid a cent for their services, and no water marks
Aug 7, 2021 8:48:13 GMT -6
Deleted: o.o Lord, Rob! Get away from Photobucket ASAP! I’m with Haircin — use Imgur. It’s way better and costs nothing.
Aug 8, 2021 16:28:35 GMT -6
Admin: I appreciate yall! ✊💯💯 Ima look into it this week. Apologies to everyone if some of the images for the show tonight have that Photobucket watermark. I didn't have the time today obviously to make any switches. But I will make time this week. 💯💯
Aug 8, 2021 17:43:04 GMT -6
Admin: Katrina will probably be happy too as she was just telling me I was crazy for paying monthly for a photo host. Lol.
Aug 8, 2021 17:44:00 GMT -6
Admin: ***NOTE*** I moved the deadline up 12 hours to give the judges an extra day to read over the rps.
Aug 10, 2021 15:29:37 GMT -6
Admin: Started messing with Imgur today and confirmed to myself that Imgur was the original photo host I was using for Season One and the beginning of Season Two of MHW. Something made me mad and thats when I switched to Photobucket. I don't remember what though.
Aug 12, 2021 16:08:47 GMT -6
Admin: Ima still switch back to it though, because the Photobucker watermarks are still showing up on some images.
Aug 12, 2021 16:09:19 GMT -6
Admin: ***Just A Reminder*** The new deadline is less than 24 hours away. 💪💯💯
Aug 20, 2021 9:45:58 GMT -6
cmosh: Marisol Vilaró is Spanish, she is from Spain
Sept 14, 2021 22:50:17 GMT -6
Admin: Noted 💪💯💯 So I can get Rrina to teach me how to pronounce her name.
Sept 15, 2021 15:35:32 GMT -6
cmosh: Don't worry I don't know how to pronounce it either. She is actually played by someone else, so it is sometimes hard to do RP's with them due to our work schelduce but I am alound to use the character over here
Sept 15, 2021 19:28:12 GMT -6
Admin: Trying something different with the match writing, based off of research and just to try something new. It's a hit or miss concept, so feedback would be appreciated. ThrowDown will also debut the new layout concept. AMMO will start with that new layout...
Sept 18, 2021 8:35:55 GMT -6
Admin: ...on the following AMMO. This AMMO will just have the new match writing idea.
Sept 18, 2021 8:36:32 GMT -6
cmosh: I want to apologize to everyone for not doing a rp this week. Just been a tough week at work and other things got in the way as well, again I'm really sorry for not rping this week
Sept 18, 2021 21:07:43 GMT -6
Admin: It happens, brudda!
Sept 19, 2021 19:49:09 GMT -6