Wild Hunt vs SCRS

The scene opens up inside the Aguero household in the southside of Chicago, IL. Jed Coffey is downstairs in the gym running on a treadmill, looking at himself in a wall full of mirrors. Layla Diaz walks in on him talking to himself.

Jed Coffey: Fast as fuck, boi. Fast as fuck. You’re looking svelt, my boosh.

Layla Diaz: Yo, who da fucks yous even talkin ta?

Jed Coffey: Um, myself. I’m looking in the mirror. Look at the way the lighting in here accentuates my tris. And how about my delts?

Jed continues to pose in front of the wall of mirrors.

Layla Diaz: Dat really wut yous concerned bout right naw? How’s bout yous gets yous head inta da game. We gots our first match in Mile High dis weekend.

Jed Coffey: How could you ever take your eyes off this sexy slab of meat, Diaz? I’m getting ripped tonight, R.I.P…

Layla Diaz: Yous continue wit dat, yous sleepin on da couch tanite. Fa realz.

Coffey finally stops his posing and turns his attention over to Diaz. As they do, they both turn towards the camera.

Layla Diaz: MHW, yous all tink yous knows wuts in store fah yous all but yous ain’t gots no fuckin clue. Faget what yous heard bout da SCRS. Faget all dat hearsay an jus sit back and experience da Second City Riot Squad in all der glory dis Sunday night at Trodown.

Jed Coffey: Yeah, boi. Shout out to all my beeshes and booshes out there repping the SCRS everywhere we go. I know we got a lot of haters out there but there’s a reason why the Second City Riot Squad is your reigning AND DEFENDING NFW Trios Champions. We done smash up Schmucks everywhere we go.

Layla Diaz: Fagive Mighty J an his sumwut diminutive grasp on da English language. Clearly, I’ma da talka a da group. Fa alls yous liddle pissants out der dat ain’t clued in on da who, da wuts an da wheres let me break it down fa yous. I’ma Layla Diaz. Dis be “Mighty J” Jed Coffey. We makes up two tirds ah da Second City Riot Squad. Now yous mus be askin youselves why we be up in dis joint. Da answa be quite simple. Mah gurl, Leah, made da call. She said der be a bunch a bishes tryin ta start sum shit an she needed sumone ta take out da trash.

Jed Coffey: That’s right. We are L’s ride or dies. She plucked us out of obscurity and offered to train us to be professional wrestlers. Well, she plucked Diaz over here out of a training school. I just kind of showed up one day and never left.

Diaz backhands Coffey on the arm.

Layla Diaz: Do yous eva shut up? LIsten up, dis weekend da SCRS be makin dey official in ring debut fa Mile High Wrestling against dose dumb bishes, da Wild Hunt. I mean, who da fuck dey tink dey is fa stickin dey nose where it don’t belong? At Mile High Spectacular tree, our gurl wuz fixin ta put dat bleach blonde floozy straight outta dis sport so we thought we just get ourselves a closer look a da action. Instead, da Wild Hunt decided ta make dey selves presence felt. Well, fuck dat. Da way we see tings, dey wuz finna get involved in da action so bein da smart individuals we is, we got dem ta chase us away.

Jed Coffey: Yeah we did. I guess all that bleach went to their heads. All we did was run backstage and duck behind a crate. They just continued to run past us like a bunch of Schmucks. We’re not just using our outer muscles but also our inner muscles like our brains. We don’t have product in our hair that seeps into our brains and makes us mindless Schmucks. Well, you do Diaz but that’s just red Kool-Aid powder. That won’t mess with your mind.

Diaz just stares a hole through Coffey with each and every word that comes out of his mouth.

Layla Diaz: All yous had ta do wuz stay outta our bizness, gals. From da look a tings, da Purge already moved on from dat false prophet Baloney Maloney but yous decided ta stick wit her.

Diaz shakes her head in disappointment.

Layla Diaz: Yous two coulda jus been left alone. Yous two coulda nonchalantly continued bout yous very existence wit out eva havin ta deal wit da SCRS. But no. Yous fucked round wit da wrong peoples an now yous finna find out da hard way. We been lookin round. We seens how MHW ain’t got no fuckin tag team division round deez parts. Tink a it dis way. Yous twos put tagetha a team in MHW and yous da champs? Who else dey even got? Da Purge? Fuck em. Da Crosses? Fuck em. Da Q Files? Dey gone already. Da Motor City Maidens? Bish please. Kate Steele an Teddy Warren? Who dey again? MHW’s tag division be fuckin weak and yous two had da choice ta sit atop dat pitiful pile a teams witout havin ta deal wit us but no. Now yous gots ta deal wit us. Now yous gots ta deal wit our wrath.

Jed Coffey: Once a Schmuck. Always a Schmuck if you ask me. I wasn’t even interested with getting those Mile High Wrestling Tag Team Titles around our waists until they stuck their noses where they didn't belong. Now, I want nothing more than to be the ones that took them straps off Wild Hunt.

Coffey looks over at Diaz, who is just staring up at him.

Jed Coffey: What did I say wrong this time?

Layla Diaz: Dat wuz da smartest ting yous said dis whole time. We didn’t come up in MHW ta be champs. We came her ta back our gurl, Leah. We came her ta build her Empire. Yous all too stupid ta realize it but da era ah da War Queen ain’t jus upon us. We in dis bish. It already begun. Now I tink we gots us some second thoughts. Maybe we come up in her and take dem tag team titles and add dem ta da War Queen Empire. Maybe, jus maybe, we make an example outta yous twos.

Jed Coffey: They kind of remind me of a knockoff of us. You’ve got one big and one little. I’m big, you’re little.

Again, Coffey can’t seem to keep his foot out of his mouth. Diaz just looks at him again. Coffey inaudibly apologizes.

Layla Diaz: Jackie Layton, da Bandit. Yous seem ta fancy yous self a tag team specialist. You held dem straps wit Ophelia Black, Samantha Hamilton an Killa Carter across four separate reigns. An I know yous finna jus boast bout da fact dat yous defended dem belts befoe against mah gurl, Leah, and won. I ain’t finna be as diplomatic as her doe. Da reason why yous all won wuz cuz her partner was bunk. Dats right. Emily Falls wuz straight whack an dat wuz Leah’s downfall. I knows she sees sumtin in Falls but I don’t gets it. But yous knows wuts yous multiple title reigns means ta me? It means A) yous can’t seem ta keep a partner all dat long an B) you lost yous titles ta Chris Mosh an Ripley? Dafuq?! Man, dat one had ta hurt, gurl. Well, we ain’t like all dose teams yous gone against before an save me wit da whole been der heard dat. Yous shit weak and you knows dis.

Jed Coffey: We know you’ve got Shieldmaidens everywhere we look. That makes you think you know what we’re all about. You think you have any sort of insight all because Gallus Mag made their way around NFW. They got a win over Diaz and L but that don’t mean much of nothing when it comes to Mile High Wrestling. You and Killer Carter have yet to step in the ring with Mighty J and the dynamic Diaz. Y’all just a bunch of Schmucks until you take us on and, even then, you’ll still be a bunch of Schmucks. What we gonna hit them with, Diaz?

Layla Diaz: It finna be straight knees an cuttahs all da way round, Mighty J. Deez ishes finna find out jus wut it means when we says we bring it straight out da south side. Yous tink yous a killa, Carter? Yous ain’t done shit and yous ain’t seen shit. We finna find out jus how killa yous is. An in da end, it finna end up straight…

Jed Coffey: Schmucks Up, Schmucks Down.

Layla Diaz: Yous welcome fa dat one, Mighty J.

Jed Coffey: That’s why I love you.

Coffey and Diaz turn back to the camera as it fades to black.