SCRS vs Wild Hunt

The scene opens up outdoors in what looks like a field. “Mighty J” Jed Coffey is shown barefoot in a pair of American Flag shorts, no shirt and his hair pulled back into a man bun. Stoically sporting his aviator sunglasses per usual, Coffey stands in front of a structure of milk crates resembling a pyramid. Placing one foot on the lowest crate, Jed takes a step forward and brings his opposite foot up on the next level of crates.

Layla Diaz: Dafuq yous doin ova her, Mighty J. Get da hell down off dem crates befoe yous go an fucks up yous ankle a sumtin.

Jed Coffey: Little D, I’m good. I’m doing the milkcrate challenge. I’m about to be TikTok famous and all those Schmucks out there are about to be converted over to my beeshes and booshes.

Layla Diaz: Dis what yous fixated on right now? We gots bigga fish ta fry comin up.

Jed Coffey: Just a sec, Little D. I’ve almost got it.

Coffey is now on top of the pyramid of milk crates but they are visibly wobbling at this point as Jed struggles to keep his balance. He begins his descent down the crates when the second highest level topples to the side. Going with it, Coffey is able to land on his feet safely but he’s still disappointed.

Jed Coffey: I should have done a forward roll and went into an exaggerated spin out. That would have gotten a fuck ton of views.

Diaz walks up to Mighty J and smacks him on the arm.

Layla Diaz: Quit fuken round an get yous head in da damn game. We ain’t her ta play round. We defended dem straps dis weekend.

Jed recomposes himself before the duo turn towards the camera aimed at them.

Jed Coffey: This is now the third time that we’re about to see the Second City Riot Squad going up against the Wild Hunt in four shows. I know what all my beeshes and booshes out there are thinking. You’re thinking why? Why are we seeing this matchup again so soon? The all dominant Wild Hunt reigned supreme until you dastardly SCRS made your presence felt. You beat them in decisive fashion. In doing so, you turned around and were granted a Tag Team Title match. Again, in a conclusive manner, the Riot Squad took those titles from the Hunt and stood tall as the champions. Now, here we are yet again, SCRS vs Wild Hunt with the MHW Tag Team Titles on the line; this time inside the confines of a steel cage. But why? A rematch clause? That’s fine. We’ll give the Wild Hunt their rematch and we will do so inside a steel cage and that’s because we don’t back down from a fight.

Diaz steps in and takes over for Coffey.

Layla Diaz: Yous two from da very start be actin all big an bad. Yous two puff out yous chests as yous walk by an act like yous shit don’t stank. Wells, I gots sum news fa da two a yous. Ya shit stank. Like bad. Fa reals, da only reason dis match even be taken place is because a sum silly rematch clause. We done beat yous asses twice. Solomon Cain done whooped both yous asses at da same damn time an yet here yous two stand still gettin a shot at da real champs.

Not content being outdone, Coffey takes a step in front of Diaz.

Jed Coffey: It’s actually quite funny how the tables have turned oh so quickly, ya Schmucks. When Little D and I came into Mile High Wrestling and got booked against the two of you, you took us lightly. You looked past us and you suffered defeat at the hands of the Second City Riot Squad. Fast forward a few weeks and now you’re running your mouths acting like we’re the ones that aren’t giving you credit where credit is due. Almost like we’re looking past you. News Flash, ya Schmucks. Credit was given. Still is. The Wild Hunt were always the best that Mile High Wrestling had to offer.

A disgusted look comes over Diaz’s face as she looks over at Jed.

Jed Coffey: I repeat myself. The Wild Hunt WERE always the best that Mile High Wrestling had to offer. That is until the Second City Riot Squad set their sights on taking those belts from you. You see, we admitted to the fact that we had no intention of coming for OUR belts until you two decided to become a nuisance for the Queen. You sealed your fate with one miscalculated interruption and the rest became history. The Tag Team Titles came over to the SCRS and immediately gained prestige. You see, each and every day that Little D and I carry these belts, the value continues to grow. The Queendom rose and our power grew stronger. Meanwhile, the two of you increasingly grow to be pests. You’re like fruit flies or gnats. We keep swatting you away but you keep finding your way back. This Sunday at Throwdown, this is done. The two of you and the two of us will not keep doing this week in and week out. Three matches, three victories for the Second City Riot Squad. That’s what they’ll be saying but that isn’t all. No, no, no. This Sunday, we’re locked inside the steel cage. All four of us. You may think I’m all jokes with Schmuck this, Schmuck that but try as you might, you’re entering SCRS territory inside the steel cage. You’ve become pests and what do we do with pests?

Layla Diaz: We exterminate dem.

Jed Coffey: That’s right. Layton and Carter, you can call Mighty J the exterminator because this Sunday I’m ready to finish off the irritations in which you are. It’s already plain to see that you two aren’t operating at 100%; especially you, Carter. Put on a show all you want but we all bore witness to Game Over. We saw Solomon Cain put his hands around your throat and just squeeze. Slowly, your every essence poured from your body in that vice like grip to the point you had blood spewing from your mouth. You’re not 100%. Don’t go putting on a front. We stood across the ring from you last weekend in Fresno and Daly City. You weren’t that same “Killer”. Listen to me, Carter, ya Schmuck, if you think you’re going to walk out of Throwdown with OUR Tag Team Titles in your hands… if you think you’re going to walk out of Throwdown at all, you’ll be sorely mistaken. You’re going up against us in a steel cage match and when I say the Second City Riot Squad will not be going up against The Wild Hunt any time soon in the future it’s because we’re ready to make what Solomon Cain did look like child’s play. If you want to pull the SCRS’s bitch card, go ahead and do it. You won’t like the end result.

Diaz, ready to comment on her own, places her arm in front of Coffey and guides him backwards.

Layla Diaz: Yous two wanna talk about superstitions? Yous tinkin third times a charm? Get yous all a rabbits foot. Hang a horseshoe round yous neck like yous Flava Flave. Pluck every foe leaf clova ya bish, Psycho, can find. Get yous a swarm a ladybugs. Yous two can do all yous want ta try an prepare fa da SCRS but der ain’t no preparin fa us. Foe sides a dis ring finna be covered by cage. No in, no out unless yous jus straight scared. Mighty J be talkin bout exterminatin yous but dat ain’t da half a it. Da steel cage be SCRS territory. Maybe we slam yous heads in da door an pop it like a pimple. Maybe we toss yous limp bodies off da top a dat cage and smile when it go splat. What yous two shud really be doin is rubbin an egg on yous. Yous should be coverin yous selves wit red and start sportin dat Mal de Ojo. Yous should light a candle cuz I ain’t fuxin round. Dis Sunday at Throwdown, the Second City Riot Squad is rollin up inta Madison Square Garden wit a purpose. We takin yous two out once an fa all. Knees an cuttahs aside, dey finna be blood an dey finna be bodies piled up.

Jed Coffey: To put it another way, it’s going to be Schmucks Up, Schmucks Down.

Jed holds out his hand for a high five with a smile on his face. Diaz just stares up at him shaking her head. After an awkward few moments, Coffey looks off to the side and points at something.

Jed Coffey: Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?

The camera pans to show a lone donkey just standing in the distance before coming back to just Jed Coffey and Layla Diaz.

Layla Diaz: Maybe latah.

The two walk off in the opposite direction of the donkey as the scene comes to an end.