Chris Mosh vs Keith Ford

My cousin was chopping wood. Chopping wood does the body good. He stood out there in that there sun shirtless with sweat dripping from his body. The sun beams reflecting off of each tiny little sweat jewel making it look like he was covered in diamonds. I told him to keep his damn mouth quiet and let me do all the talking. He was going to be a superstar. And I was going to be the mouthpiece that helped get him to the mountain top.

"My name is Reed"

I looked deep into the camera phone being held by my sister. My sexy ass neck turning every female viewer on. Maybe even some of the male viewers. It is a very sexy neck as you can tell.

"You see that big ass motherfucker behind me. That's my fucking cousin. And he is here to eviscerate the entire MHW roster. From Ripple to Talia Oregano to Mad Dog to El Diablo Blackout. He's here to take over your precious little company."

I didn't know my cousin heard me talking about him and dropped his axe. I didnt know my cousin was slowly walking up behind me. I just kept talking.

"You motherfuckers aren't ready for a real hillbilly to throw you around like a bunch of rag dolls. You motherfuckers aren't ready for my cousin to eat you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

And then he started talking, even after I had already told him I'd do the damn talking around here.

"Mad Dog, I'm gunna fuck you. I'm gunna fuck you real good."

I chopped my cousin across the chest. It hurt me more than it hurt him. My damn arm was stinging real bad. He just looked down at me confused but unbothered.

"I told you to keep your damn trap shut. I'll do the talking. You just show up to the matches and destroy those sons a bitches. You're not even fighting Mad Dog. You're fighting Vip Mosh or some shit like that. Some Johnny Cage looking motherfucker who said he wanted to fuck your mom."

Oh boy, I done really pissed off Keith with that that line. Oh, he's fucking pissed...

"No one fucks my mama but me!"

I signaled for my sister to follow me. We had to get away from my angry cousin. He doesn't like men talking to his mama. He loves his mama. A lot. After we got far enough away from him throwing a temper tantrum I continued talking to the camera phone.

"You see Vip Mosh you're going to get you ass kicked real bad like. You can even do a split and then punch Keith in the balls like your role model does but you need to know that he has balls of steel and it just won't hurt him. The only thing that will hurt is you as he beats your little ass up."

Oh shit, Keith done flipped over the pickup truck again. He's really damn mad.

"Look Mosh your best bet is to just stay home. Cause Keith Ford is one bad motherfucker. And he's really gunna eviscerate you at Ammo. So stay home or die. The choice is your's. Because my cousin is going straight to the moon even if he has to step over you to get there."

I signal for my sister to stop the recording as I head back towards my cousin.

"God damnitt Keith relax! No one wants to fuck Aunt Jenny! Your mama looks like a fucking dead whale for Christ's sake!"