Azurine Vebbins vs Webb Constantine

Weavin’ Webb In Da Dust

“The Adorkable Angel” Azurine Vebbins is seen practicing a gratuitous gamut of glute exercises inside her private gym. She starts off with some lurid looking lunges to demonstrate her determination. In terms of wardrobe, she opts for atypical apparel. Vebbins sports a sky blue and lavender North Phloriphornia University Ninnyhammers Netball jersey and her brand-spanking-new “G” String. Upon its reveal yesterday, fans as well as detractors have suggested the “G” could stand for “Grapplegasm,” “Granny,” “Gaudy,” “Gallop,” and/or “Gotcha.” The latter suggestion was provided since some shoppers felt it might be a Phloriphornian prank. For promotional material posterity, the following was recorded on June 17th, 2019.


Azurine Vebbins: It’s plenty pleasin’ providin’ provocative points to ponder.

For example, last Tuesday I salaciously suggested shushin’ Webb Constantine’s tush. Moreover, dat bubblegum burstin’, booty-shorts boastin’ brat better believe definite discipline will be delivered.

To clarify, dough, dis magnanimous measure must be made to course correct my career from current calamity.

As chanters are absolutely aware Azurine Vebbins is a “Heels Over Head” housewife.

Hence, when yours truly speaks on spankin’ it’s not total titillation.

Rad-er, I’m simply statin’ dat dame deserves a swift smack to her can-can.


“‘Dat Azz” shoots off a sputtered superkick to further signal her intentions. Azurine then bends down prior to performing sumo-style squats. Her movements appear meticulously measured. Every sentence uttered represents an additional repetition.


Azurine Vebbins: What precisely prompts me to promote such punishment?

Multiple reasons.

Musically, it would resonate a certain C-Sharp chord.

I assert wid accuracy such a stin’ might cut Constantine to her core.

Apparently, no pair of apple bottom jeans ever have.


Anoder rational reason in less loquacious lexicon?

Helps dat little lady learn lofty life lesson.

Probably still too eloquent.

Den again, it’s a cheeky comeback at her entitled expense.

Webb claims to be “Eard’s Great-Assed Hero” while my hips swivel like a French maid’s fead-er duster?

Bleep, please.

Her phubbin’ a.k.a. phone snubbin’ sass couldn’t get a dial tone, let alone da four-hundred eleven from Mile High’s Holla-Line.

Which is why Constantine clamors to call collect instead of come correct.


Vebbins performs a sideways “hang loose” sign with her right hand to mimic a cellular device. She transitions into the Donkey Kick portion of her routine when discussing how Webb has not come correct.


Azurine Vebbins: Of course, I’ve hardly heard a sin’le Bo Peep from her in days.

In fact, da only substantive tweet was from yesterday.

Looked blissfully banal.

She submitted a spoiler on her strategy.

Constantine’s conclusion simulated savagely stompin’ on me like a sand-stuck surfboard.

Already been run roughshod by Alex “Bullet” Carbajal at da Spectacular.

Repeatin’ such a recital next Sunday seems exponentially sheepish.


Different degrees of discernment are required when dancin’ dose two.

Wid Carbajal, I feverishly felt da fear of familiarity.

Dat mental mistake does not enter into da equation solvin’ for Webb.

She’s imbued wid “New Attitude” which must be eschewed.


"The Vivacious Variable" finishes off her workout with some extra jubilant Jumping Jacks. Azurine clearly conveys confidence by maintaining a peachy keen posture. 


Azurine Vebbins: It’s a matter of maturation.

I compete to conquer chanters’ consternation concernin’ cruel cretins like Constantine.

Conversely, she’s very vested in bein’ blight, plight, and kryptonite.

Her puckered posterior practically preaches petulance.

Such a diseased derriere brin’s blight.

Dis was nonverbally demonstrated when Webb placed her haughty hand over Jessica McDaniel’s microphone on June 9.

Only someone who’s incredibly insolent and insecure instigates incremental irritation like dat.


In regards to plight, a particular problematic pattern presents itself.

Webb weaves whatever wonky story suits her selfishness.

She once callously convinced a mutual colleague to purchase her a new, unearned cell phone.

Happened on an October 19, 2018 broadcast somewhere else.

Dreatened to release sensitive information 'bout a certain Swedish Bombshell based on deyr interaction.


Dat’s da bottom dollar line you can bet on, dough.

She's a dreat to character credibility.

Wheder makin' an ass of herself or sucker someone to be da butt of a joke, she's doubly diabolical.

Yet deyr-in lies her own corrosive kryptonite.

We are six days away from Webb Constantine's Mile High debut.

In terms of experience measurin' sticks between her and I, it's comparin' limbo to pole vault.

Such a differential denotes high probability for makin' an ass of herself.

As for suckerin' someone to be da butt of a joke?

Saved dat for dis promotional material so my whole ass can focus on shushin' your tush dis Sunday.


The scene ends with Mrs. Vebbins busting out a decent twerk while the broadcast transmission gradually fades out.